20.

I was in between working my tutoring sessions tonight and it hit me. I only have a few more hours left of being a teenager. I mean, I knew my birthday was coming up and all but it really didn’t hit me how soon it actually was. Tomorrow. In less than an hour, I’ll be 20. I’ll be a freaking twenty-something.

I don’t know how I feel about this. Scratch that. I do know how I feel. But it’s mixed emotions. A part of me is so happy to finally be 20. To finally start living life, to finally be done with the hardest decade of my life thus far. During this decade alone, I finished elementary school, got through the hell that is middle school, I got through high school and made it out on top, and I started (and am almost ¾ of the way done with) college. I have done so, so much during this decade, and it sure is crazy how much can happen in 10 years. I’ve gone through some horrible times, and I’ve gone through some really great times. During this decade alone, I’ve started things and I’ve also ended some things that I always thought I’d love. 

The other emotions that I’m feeling is all of the pressure of being 20. I’m going to have to start “adulting” soon. Like, now. I'm going to be asked by family members non-stop whether or not I have a boyfriend in the picture, which is sort of stressing me out. Mostly because from what I hear, after college the dating pool just gets smaller and smaller and smaller. And that is just fan-freaking-tastic.

                

But honestly, I can’t wait to start my twenties. And my main goal for my twenties is to actually start living life. I feel like the past ten years, I never really lived. Yes, I had some good times and made some memories, but I never truly let myself loose and live in the moment. I want to have moments where I’m laughing so hard I’m crying and having the time of my life with amazing friends. I want to have moments where I’m just awe-struck about how beautiful the world is, and fall in love with places all over the globe. I want to fall in love, and get those butterflies that never go away. I want to be able to blow out my candles on my 30^th birthday after my twenties are over and not regret a thing. I want to be able to look at these next 10 years in my twenties, and just sit there in utter disbelief at how lucky I am, how blessed I am, and how happy I am to be alive. In my twenties, I want to finally feel alive.

During these next 10 years, anything can happen. I could fall in love in these next 10 years. I could get married (!) in these next 10 years. I’ll be graduating college, possibly attending graduate school, working full time in these next 10 years. I may or may not stick to what I actually majored in during these next 10 years. I could move all the way across the country in these next 10 years. I could finally travel out of the country. Who the heck knows.

I don’t know what God has in store for me for these next 10 years, but I hope there will be some great, exciting things in store. I know there will always be crosses to bare, but let’s be honest. If I can get through the horror that is middle school, I can get through what life throws at me these next 10 years.

If I had time to eat cake tomorrow and blow out candles (will be doing so at a later date), you know what my wish would be?

To be happy. To find myself. To take each day at a time so that things will slowly start falling into place.

Although I’m freaking out over my internship interview tomorrow, missing 2 classes to be there for said interview, and will need to study my butt off tomorrow night on my birthday for my accounting midterm, cheers to a new decade. Cheers to living life to the fullest, finding myself, and just finding happiness in being me.

20 here I come. (T-29 minutes)

Love Always,

               Colleen